


Longing Hearts

by QuentinCrisp



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Bodhi Rook Needs a Hug, Bodhi can't stop talking when he's nervous, Bodhi feels ashamed, Bodhi has a crush, Bodhi has a secret, Bodhi is good at gambling, Cassian can be gentle when he wants to, Cassian is grumpy when he loses, Drinking, Fix-It, Gambling, Gen, Jyn likes pestering Cassian, M/M, Minor Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus, Pre-Slash, Sabacc, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred, Sex Work, These tags make this sound angstier than it is, because that should be a requirement for every fic in this fandom, like really good, pre-Cassian/Bodhi - Freeform, references Diego's thing for Jabba the Hutt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-09-22 21:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9625316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuentinCrisp/pseuds/QuentinCrisp
Summary: When Bodhi gets nervous, he can’t stop talking. After soundly defeating the rest of the team in sabacc and having a bit too much to drink, he accidentally lets slip his shameful secret: that gambling wasn’t the only way he earned extra credits during his time with the Empire.





	

**Author's Note:**

> You can read up on sabacc rules here: https://www.pagat.com/invented/sabacc.html. There is also at least one free sabacc app. It's pretty fun! The app I have adds a few potentially winning combinations of cards to the canon Idiot's Array, one of which is called Longing Hearts (Master, Mistress, and Endurance).
> 
> tl;dr In sabacc you're trying to get as close as possible to the absolute value of 23 without going over, but the value of the cards can change at any moment so strategy is hard.

Cassian couldn’t remember the last time he lost this many credits in a single night of sabacc.

And they hadn’t even been playing for two hours yet.

“ _Kriff_ ,” he hissed as the values shifted for the third time in the hand. He downed the rest of his whiskey in a single gulp.

“Having issues?” Jyn muttered with a smirk. Cassian raised an eyebrow in silent warning.

“Alderaan,” grunted Baze.

“Are. You. _Kidding_. Me?” Cassian ran his hands through his hair in frustration as Chirrut softly chuckled. “If these weren’t my own cards, I’d be accusing each and every one of you of cheating.”

K-2 gave an exaggerated sigh. “I believe I have been quite open about the statistical unlikelihood of cheating in this game, particularly given that I am the dealer. Would you like me to review the probabilities with you?”

“Shut up, Kay.”

“I don’t know why I bother,” the droid complained. “Based on your lack of success tonight, it’s clear that you have no understanding of mathematics anyway.”

“Last bets in?” Bodhi asked. “Good. Baze, what have you got?”

“Longing Hearts—negative twenty-one.”

“Well done,” said Chirrut with a serene smile. “I have three. The Force seems to have taken a short break from being with me.”

“I got nine. That last shift threw me off,” Jyn reported. She turned to Cassian, eyes twinkling. “What’s your damage?”

He threw his hand down on the table without a word. “Oh…erm, thirty-six,” Bodhi quietly reported on Cassian’s behalf. Jyn and Baze broke out into raucous laughter. Cassian buried his head in his crossed arms in defeat.

“Bombed out! Again!” Baze roared and gleefully slapped his knee.

“That’s the fourth time tonight,” noted K-2. “Remember to pay extra into the pot.”

“It’s alright, Cassian. Some days you get the danchaf; some days the danchaf gets you,” Bodhi smiled broadly and laid down his cards. “But today I got pure sabacc. Negative twenty-three.”

Baze and Jyn fell silent, staring in awe at Bodhi’s winning hand. After a moment Chirrut’s infectious giggle rang out, winding up Jyn and Baze again until both were doubled over in painful fits of laughter. Cassian scowled as Bodhi quietly gathered up both pots and K-2 collected the cards. Baze rose and slapped Cassian on the back.

“You look like you need another drink, my friend. Take a break,” he advised. “I’m going for another round. You’re drinking Corellian?” Cassian nodded in stunned silence.

Jyn stood up with a stretch and a yawn. “I could use another, too. I’ll go with you.”

“Baze, love, get me another Ebla,” Chirrut softly called. “Now seems to be the time to visit the fresher. Excuse me,” he muttered before teetering off, relying on his staff to provide the stability the drink had taken from him.

“Tell me, Bodhi,” began Cassian after a moment, his voice low and almost aggressive. “How did you get so damned good at this blasted game?”

The pilot’s eyes widened in surprise at the tone. “Practice?” he tried.

Cassian shook his head in disbelief. “It’s a game of chance as well as skill, pilot.”

“I-I’m not cheating, Cassian.”

“He’s not,” K-2 chirped as he shuffled the deck.

“I know,” Cassian admitted. He took a beat to soften his voice in response to the growing tension in Bodhi’s demeanor. Since Scarif, the pilot had gradually learned to relax in their little makeshift family, but he was still easily spooked by anything that could be construed as disapproval. “I know. I didn’t mean it like that, Bodhi. It’s just that you’re, well, incredibly good at this. Tonight you kicked my ass to Ryloth and back.”

“Oh….” Bodhi took a deep breath and began, “I, erm…when I was with them, you see, I gambled a bit. A lot. We all did—us in the Empire—, I mean. You can’t play sabacc against yourself, obviously….”

Bodhi felt his own stutters and rambling, but now that he had started, he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the words from tumbling out of his mouth. He never could when he stared talking like this, when he had to account for anything other than the cargo on his ship. Especially not after the amount of booze he had consumed. Especially _especially_ when Cassian’s big brown eyes were fixed on him like that. Especially especially _especially_ when he sensed full well that he was close to spilling his secret in front of the irritable droid and the frankly gorgeous captain and there was nothing he could do to rein it in because he had never had much of a filter but what Saw Gerrera and that thing did to him just made impulse control all the harder and—

“It got dull between deliveries. Only so many times you can review a cargo manifest that lists nothing but blaster focusing coils,” Bodhi continued, hyperaware of the subtle tremble in his hands. “Everybody knows sabacc, so it’s popular with Imperial pilots, and I was good at counting cards. Been good at it since I was little, really. I used to con some of the older neighborhood boys back on Jedha and realized I was good at gambling. I have a feel for it, I guess. And once I signed on, I was sending most of my proper pay back to my family so sabacc became…one of my, erm, side sources of income.”

“How compelling,” droned K-2, theatrically drumming his fingers in a display of boredom at the extended break in gameplay. “ _Do_ continue detailing all those ‘side sources of income,’ pilot.”

Bodhi fidgeted miserably. He had outed himself with his big mouth, just as he knew he would. The droid had noticed the exact detail Bodhi had most hoped he wouldn’t utter. Now K-2 would tell all the others and they would be disgusted by him and kick him out. And Cassian—Cassian, who had been so careful and understanding with him, who had every reason to hate him for his Imperial past but who had given him nothing but welcome, who caused something in the pit of his stomach to feel warm and heavy. Cassian would finally know how filthy and weak he was.

“Bodhi? Are you all right?” Cassian asked gently.

“Hm? Yeah…yeah,” he swallowed. Might as well get it over with. “I was just…K-2 asked, so. Yeah. My little brother needed surgery, but the pilot’s salary and the gambling weren’t enough and I could never get the hang of smuggling. I _needed_ credits—for Abtan. So I started, you know. Seeing…clients.” His voice was almost at a whisper, and he found he couldn’t move his eyes up from his lap. “Having sex for credits. Yeah.”

Cassian leaned forward slowly. He suddenly felt much more sober. “Hey,” he tentatively reached for Bodhi’s hand and felt its sweat and its shake. “It’s okay.”

“For as much as you organics like to mash your genitals together, you certainly have an extraordinary amount of shame regarding the practice,” K-2 observed.

“ _Kay_ ,” Cassian rebuked his friend. He turned again to the teary-eyed pilot and began rubbing small circles between his shoulder blades. “Bodhi, look, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re okay. Talk to me.”

Bodhi gulped and tried to listen to his own breathing as Chirrut had taught him. He was grateful that K-2 was silent for once.

“I just…I didn’t know what to do. It was only until I got the credits for his surgery. I’m not a…a whore. Or I wasn’t before I—Please don’t hate me, Cassian,” he sobbed.

“Why would I hate you, Bodhi? Nobody hates you. Nobody here  _could_ hate you, for this or anything else. You’re a good man,” he soothed. “Sex work doesn’t change any of that. There’s no shame in it. But I won’t tell anyone if you don’t want me to. And I’ll make sure K-2 keeps his speaker units quiet.” He shot a dangerous glare at the droid.

“Thank you,” Bodhi said, his voice firmer.

"You don’t have to answer this,” Cassian ventured after a moment, “but did someone hurt you? During that time? Did somebody force you to…did somebody make you feel bad about what you did?”

Bodhi sighed deeply. “Nothing in particular. It was mostly fine, I mean. A few close calls but it wasn’t too much worse than the rest of the Imperial experience. It was just work. Not important work like fighting for the Rebellion or guarding kyber, but still.”

“It allowed you help your brother, no?” Cassian probed.

Bodhi nodded gravely. “The surgery saved his life.”

“Sounds like important work to me,” Cassian offered with a slight smile that caused Bodhi’s heart to pound. “And if it helps you feel better,” he continued, “I may have used similar techniques in my own missions.”

Bodhi’s eyebrows jumped in shock. “Really?”

“I find that people are more likely to give up intel when they’re in certain states of, uh, pleasure.” It was Cassian’s turn to fidget.

“Huh,” Bodhi mused, feeling his deep shame finally begin to retreat.

“In fact, a few years ago Cassian used sexual seduction to persuade that Hutt to tell him about the conspirators on Mygeeto,” K-2 candidly piped in just as Baze, Chirrut, and Jyn returned with fresh drinks in hand.

“Did I just hear what I think I heard?” Jyn asked in amused disbelief. “Cassian, did you…”

“No,” Cassian insisted sharply. “You heard nothing.”

“I was very clear,” persisted the droid. “I was telling Bodhi how Cassian once exchanged sexual contact with a Hutt for information valuable to the Rebellion.”

“A _Hutt_?” Chirrut chortled as Baze and Jyn laughed so hard they began to slosh their drinks. “And how did you find that, Captain? Of all the sentient species in the galaxy!”

When Cassian felt sure his ears could turn no redder, he rose and snatched his cards from K-2. “We’re done here.” He turned on his heel and left the table, muttering something about texture that none of the others could hear over their own boozy laughter.

"Somebody," finally wheezed Jyn between her diminishing guffaws, "should go check on him." But Bodhi was already on his way after the captain.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so obviously Cassian is right--sex work is nothing to be ashamed about. Poor Bodhi is just nervous and insecure and traumatized by all the shit he's been through and he needs hugs and love. <3


End file.
